A memory of a girl.

A memory of a girl.

Can you understand, on the days I am wet sand wrapped in paper.
That some days the lava boils my veins as I press ice against my burning body in vain.
That the sound of metal wire travels up and down my arm in musical numbness.
That some days I am a barely contained storm crackling, hot and white around me.
Then there is the fog.
A limbic dream of awareness, thoughts ringing and glowing but obscured.
Or when the wave takes me.
When I am suddenly pushed into an umbral world.
I become a ghost, unable to speak, barely able to move.
Some days I am ordinary but sore and tired as though I danced all night in someone else's shoes.
Yet mostly I am some supernatural creature.
A ghost.
A storm.
A memory of a girl dancing.

I can walk without my cane.

I can walk without my cane.

I can walk without my cane. 

Leaning on a willing, loving arm, or trailing my fingers over walls and chairs. 

My knees are not always weak or painful, my hip does not always complain when it bears weight. 

I am not always dizzy or clumsy. 

Though without my cane I stub my toes more often, bump the same tender bruise on my thigh into the kitchen table. 

I don't fall downstairs, though that falling feeling in the pit of my stomach happens sometimes and I clammily grasp at banisters and walls, taking a beat before trying to continue.

Without my cane I tend to fall upstairs, catching my foot and stumbling in embarrassment. 

I can get up out of a chair without my cane, though it takes me longer and I might have to ask for help if it is really low.

 Sometimes just standing is painful and the cane does not magic this away. 

Sometimes just putting one foot in front of the other, just keeping going is too much. 

So much I can not think, let alone buy groceries and I have to sit in a chair, either on the outside on a bench, or inside with wheels and disapproving glares.
I can walk without my cane but it is so much more tiring. 

It is so much more frightening, painful and difficult than with it.
I do not use it for pity. 

Or sympathy. 

Or the sideways glaces of people whom have never fallen over nothing and bashed their face. 

In fact for the longest time I only used it at home where no-one would see, preferring to stay home than gather the glaces, and stares.
I can walk without my cane, but I shouldn't have to explain all this to you. 

I can walk without my cane but it makes my life easier, less painful, less confining. 

I can walk without my cane but I don't because I need it for when I can't and I never know when that will be.

I am a Superhero

I am a superhero

I am a total geek. I love comics and gaming. I love to read. I love to play rpg's when I can, and watch them often. Maybe that is why my dreams have always been like this crazy double life.
Today after getting up early and being human as long as I could, I simply had to sleep this afternoon. That is when it happens most. Sometimes I'm some strange faery creature flying around on a Pegasus in full plate in some seemingly never ending war. Sometimes I am in the past, or even present just watching things happen. Today tech heavy thugs in some strange college parking system (why are they always so weird?) "trigger" my super powers. All the electrical tingling in my waking mind became a static cloud of power. It hurt, like it always does, but it was like two whips of electricity formed and I grasped them. A field of energy deflected their attacks as it surrounds my body with a buzzing numbing force. Though some manage to hit. Bruising my knee and hip. An epic fight ensues. I finish the fight in flight beginning to float and fritz out.  I sink to the floor. Pick up my wooden cane and limp away.
I woke up relieved and then sort of bummed out.
There are no superheroes who have fibromyalgia. That can do amazing things, but then need a week in bed. I can't help but feel this is a loss. It would be a great. FibroWarriors often feel like they have ice about to explode from their bones, or like they are about to burst into flames, or like they can sense everything for miles around them. 
The cost of these powers is needing a cane, or sometimes a chair because the spin of the cosmos makes us so dizzy. The power running through us makes us so tired we can barely move for a few days. Our almost Deadpool like ability to take damage because well everything already hurts. 
I would love there to be a fibro superhero. Maybe even a super villain, I am British after all aren't we always the villain?
Of course I'm not sure how it would translate into other systems. In D&D it would seem like a curse. In Vampire, who even knows! In Callisto 6, I could be a hero.